It hurt

A look into the past, and why I am who I am... There's always that one event that defines each of us, and the way we deal with those events shape our entire existance. I can't say I haven't had rough times, but without them, I would not have taken a path that has led to a beautiful, wonderful child, a dream man in my life, and my strong determination for independance... but moreso, for acceptance, security and love.

It hurt, but I won't tell.
I'm in pain... you know me too damn well.
Pay me back for what you've taken,
Then leave me the hell alone.
Yet how do you pay for innocense?
Is there a price set in stone?
You left, I needed help, but who was there?
I reached out to grasp, and got a handful of air.
There is no soul to turn to in this world full of hate.
I didn't want the 'good guy', he arrived too late.
I slowly went in circles, and with each corner I turned
I found myself yearning more, a feeling that burned.
I sought companionship in every friendly face
And fucked every guy I met in every God Forsaken place.
They say I'm innocent; where I'm bad, they say I'm good.
I'm just a child, I said I was sad, you understood.
I had your warmth to circulate my blood,
Which has since dried out, making patterns in the mud.

~Caroline Ballowe